Putting Priorities In Order

Every once in a while I get the feeling I am not doing enough in the service of The Man, so I take it as a sign and I begin to look for something else to start doing. I got that feeling one day walking out of Mass and as I skimmed over the bulletin I saw an advertisement that Nathan Adelson Hospice needed volunteers. So for the next two and a half years I did any number of things, which I found to be one of the most fulfilling things I ever did in my life. When I moved here to San Dog I signed up for the local hospice. We finally began volunteer training this past Thursday and had a full day today.

One of the main topics today was the spiritual care of the patient, the bereaved and the volunteer. Of course this is a subject always near and dear to my heart. One of the things we did to close the day was a guided exercise in which we wrote down twenty things we value under five different categories. Then we put ourselves in the position of a terminally ill cancer patient and had to let go of the things we valued, usually one at a time but on two occasions several at a time. The exercise is designed for us to take a look at our own mortality and values. That was not the first time I confronted my own mortality, but it did not turn out exactly as I expected it to. A big surprise to me was that I wanted to die in Anchorage, Alaska. I never had a particular place I wanted to die before. I was also surprised at how readily I was willing to let go of everything. My priorities were not exactly as I originally placed them - I had to shuffle three cards. My three top priorities in order of least valuable to most were originally: 3) taking comfort in solitude/silence/prayer; 2) the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church; 1) going to Heaven. When I was down to the last three and had to consider letting go of solitude/silence/prayer I decided to let go of the Church instead.

One other thing that surprised me was my lack of fear that God would tell me I did not do enough, which was a big fear before. As I imaged what would transpire after the event of my death all I felt was joy and anticipation. I also thought of four people, two of them were unborn siblings, one my own unborn child and one the first hospice patient I know for certain I made a significant difference for. That was a really rewarding experience.